So I was standing in line the other day at the super market waiting to check out, and on the magazine rack there was this one little mini magazine that caught my eye. It was a prevention magazine featuring on the cover a Biggest Loser contestant. So, being the fan that I am, I snatched it up and took it home. Inside I discovered secrets of the Biggest Loser program…that which I am now following. The first revelation was how they calculated the necessary amount of calories needed to be consumed in order to lose weight to be your current weight multiplied by 7. So that puts me at 1344 calories (at least when I weighed in at 192) The second revelation was that those contestants get put through the ringer…so unless I quit my job…there’s no way I could put the amount of time needed in order to drop the drastic pounds the contestants do in merely a week.

But let’s go back to the calorie thing…I have to reevaluate every week?? Like as of this morning, I weighed in at 189.6 lbs (an indicator that this really does work) I now only consume 1327 calories as 189 x 7 = 1327!!! It’s great that this helps in lossing weight but it just doesn’t give you a lot to look forward to in terms of rewards for your sacrifice. I’m going to try it their way for now…as I have already started to see results…granted I’ve only lost 2.6lbs…but that’s a whole lotta butter!

Tag: alli

Ugh. I gained another pound last week. Man, I am frustrated. These months of plateau have been aggravating. This week I’ve been far more strict with my eating. I felt I did this last week as well. But, then preceded to gain. Hopefully it works out for the next weigh in. I approached my leader at my last meeting about what to do. She gave me a little pamphlet to check out. It basically said I have to really refocus how I am eating. So, I’ve been writing EVERYTHING down. Even if it’s just a taste of something.

Tag: weight watchers

There are always sooo many things i wont to write.. but somehow I never do actually get around writing all my thoughts down.. First off I just want to say that this was a bad weight wathing week - and this is only the second week of them all.. There are sooo many more to come - and they do have to come.. but I gained weight.. more than a kilogramm.. how did i do that?? i have no idea…Having friends over that cook for you probably isn’t the best way to do weight watchers.. Well I got over that gain and decided to just have a great week and loose some pounds so i might even get a star…

Having said that the next depressing point of thee week is up on the list.

I know I’m obese. I also know that I don’t look good. In fact I look fat and ugly! This doesn’t mean that my inside is just as fat and ugly. Of course other people don’t know that. What I do know is that no matter what one looks like is NO reason what so ever to make fun of them, stare at them and give stupid comments when they walk past you.

My bad people around me don’t know that. I really don’t understand (and I did say that i understand im fat and ugly.. and not a pretty sight) how people can stop walking and stare (yes! properly stare) at me in the middle of town. Do they have no tact? Are they really such blunt (excuse my language) ***s to have do that? WHAT IS THE POINT??

The amount of times I have walked through town (and that is prety much every day as I have to get to Uni) and people looked at me weridly, stared at me, made some comments, pointed their finger at me, laughed at me etc. is uncountable!

There is no day (and when I say NO day it is literally NO day) I can walk through the streets without having somebody obsess about my vast body.

Now I wrote this quite rationally.. but what people need to understand is that even though I know exactly why they do it, I do have feelings. So many many times I have driven home by train half in tears because I have had enough. It’s not like people are bullying me. But the silent stare, the cold whispers and the evil pointed finger hurts more than a thousand words. How many times did I want to stop and slap their faces. I really do get aggitated… But dont they know how much they hurt me?

Usually when its only little kids asking their parents “Mommy, why is that women sooo BIG?” I can laugh at myself and enjoy how the mother quickly leaves the tram, turnes around or somehow shuts up their son or daughter. I can even take it when its little primary school kids. I mean what do you expect?? What something I can really not understand is mature adults looking at you as if you were an alien coming to earth to eat your world!

The other day i was leaving the tram to walk over the street to my trainstation when I see three mature adults standing near by to catch a tram.

One thing people don’t realise is that I, as an obese person, has become prone to realise ppl are talking about me.

So one of those adults looks at me in a really obvious surprised, disgusted stare totally awestruck ( in a bad way). He looks at me and while he cant take his eyes of my voluptous body taps this other mature adult on the shoulder saying “Look at that fat girl!”

The other guy turnes around and says fully disgusted: “Ooh.. yeah. I have seen that”

Now how rude an one be??

I was so frustrated I turned around awestruk myself.

I usually dont say anything… who can be bothered to defend themselves 365 days of the year… Its just not worth it. But my ignoration of these ppl does really not imply that I dont care. I do care! I dont want to be fat!!!! I want to be as pretty and good looking as other girls my age. But it really isnt easy. And i cant do that within a day! It will take time. And I know there are many days to come where I will walk down the street and ppl will point there fingers.. I dont know how i will react. I just know that ppl are starting to beome less and less sympethatic.

I’m starting to hate them. There are good days and bad days. On good days they bring down my mood a little bit.. btu i can manage.. on bad days I beome depressed… and this depression is at a climax right now… There used to be times I wanted to kill myself. I never really got through with it. But the thought dwelled in my mind. The thing that held me back most were my parents. I knew i would break there are heart if i did. But wow… life would be so much easier… and everytime one of those oh-so-hated people looks at me… the thought begins to come back to mind again… I dont want to kill myself.. But if life is made that hard… Its becomes very dificult to go the hard way and not take the easy way out…

Enough depression for a day… Its at times like these when I think back at the good things in life.

Good things in life are my friends. Especially the good looking friends. It makes me feel much better to have good looking friends. I know they like me.. I know people sometimes stare of jealousy when I walk through town with them!

But I dont like them for their beatuy. I like them because they are great. I have the best friends. I can laugh with them, cry with them, have fun with them and just be myself. I dont have to feel self concious about my body. I can be who I really am. And that is why i love them!

I hope you all know how much I love you!