Dumbest Thing A Writer Can Do? Announce A Diet

One of the all-time great movie scenes is when the late great John Candy — aka Dewey Oxburger — is sitting in the barracks explaining to his his fellow troops why he joined the Army in the Bill Murray classic Stripes.
Dewey: I dont know if you’ve noticed, but I got a slight weight problem.
Troops: Nooooo…
Dewey: Yep, yep, yep … My doctor says I’ve been swallowing a lot of aggression… along with a lot of pizzas!
And so it goes. Dewey joins the Army to become a lean, mean fighting machine.
Me? I’m sitting at a desk at at 2:30 a.m. on a Monday morning, can of Mean Bean Java Monster on one side, a 32-ounce Kona coffee on the other.
And now, it’s time to do something really stupid: Announce a diet in public.
As Dewey would say, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve got a slight weight problem…
Friends, not so much doctors, have been telling me I’m eating too many pizzas. And doughnuts. And burgers. And … well, you get the picture.

So I’m looking for a little help. A little public shame into getting into shape, a little guidance. I’ve never really had to try a diet, persay. I’m typically someone who when I finally get fed up with how I feel, I run/walk/play the weight off.
But I’ve been a diet yo-yo my whole life, and as I grow older there’s not as much yo in my game as there used to be and that sucks.

My already slow metabolism is at a near standstill, so I want your opinions on what’s the best option: Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers or NutriSystem? Other?
Also, what’s the going rate for a good personal trainer?

I can spend hours on a treadmill, stairmaster or elliptical machine — which I do already — but I’m looking for someone to kick my ass in a smart manner and who can set up a good diet. If I can find a good one, I’ll share our progress with all of you.

A lean mean fighting machine?
Ha.

Right now I’d settle for dropping 20 and going from there.

From here on out consider Midnight Oil a diet and workout tracker as a well as a place for overnights to congregate. I welcome input from all of you on your own efforts, successful and not.

I’m not sure if this is a good idea, but if public shame can’t motivate me I don’t know what will.

I can’t believe I’m doing this …

Tag: jenny craig