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Pimpin’est Weight Loss Losers, let’s chat.
First, losing weight sucks the big one.
I don’t want to stop eating decadent cheeses, and breads, and Godiva, and sugary desserts, and Mexican food dripping in sour cream and queso. I want to strip naked and dive into a hot tub filled with queso. Seriously.And, I don’t want to exercise, especially when it’s cold outside. I going to the gym, entering the sea of bleach headed, cannon ball-sized boobie bitches in full hooker make up, and their perfectly erect nipples nearly poking my eyeballs out. Lifetime Fitness the daytime playground for the regulars of the now defunct Martini Park, with the only difference being the wardrobe change for night time. Same teased hair, perfectly coiffed, same amount of makeup, etc. I cannot understand how these women work out with all the eyeliner, lip liner, mascara, etc. without looking like a homeless hooker by the end of it. Is it just me? Scandy in Full Make Up + Any Type of Exercise = Homeless Hooker.
And it’s not my imagination that whenever I run into any of these women, they take the opportunity to stare at my body, up and down, over and over, shamelessly, even while feigning a conversation with me about our kids, or whatever. Can’t they be patient like me and wait until I walk away before scrutinizing every inch of my body and sweaty, naked face?
But what is the alternative? The reality is that I have to exercise to be fit and feel zuper zexy. And Scandy LOVES & NEEDS to feel zuper zexy!
Well, I was reading a review by one of the housewives from , and she was recounting her experience with Pilates. She had given it a try and had lost 4 dress sizes in only 6 weeks! WTF? How can this be? But then I recall so many stars, like Jennifer Aniston & Gwyneth Paltrow singing the praises of Pilates and what it does to their bodies. And really, it wouldn’t suck to have my bod look even remotely like either one of those 2, ya know?
So, what do you think? Is Pilates for reals? It ain’t cheap, though. But I guess when you think of all the money we’ve all spent on Magic diet potions, club memberships, personal trainers and all the Jenny Craigs of the world, it’s probably pretty economical. Shit, I pay over $130 a month to go to Lifetime, and I’ve probably been there twice since July!
Who wants to try it? LushEss? Lady V? SubSteph? Hey Budd Foxx? Are you game? And Lulu, you had a chance to try it for FREE, nada! I think we could get some super toneage, ON!
I think I’ll try it at my piece-of-shit gym on Thursday, since I’m still paying out my ass, and I’ll let you know how it goes. Keep our dietary role model visual, if you need some inspiration today…
Anybody else game?
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